A Morning of Pondering

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This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now. Many of us struggle with fear of failure, lack of self-confidence, and lack of self-worth due to being rejected or emotionally abused during our childhoods or even as adults. The old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is just that, a saying, because it is not true.

Words can and do hurt and they lock people in a box.

But we do not have to stay locked in that box. We can find a way out.

Person A has spent your entire life degrading and belittling you, telling you that you are worthless and will never amount to anything.

Person B sincerely loves you, tells you how wonderful you are, how you can do anything you set your heart and mind to. He or she believes in you, not just in words but in deed, deep down in his or her heart and soul, and does not shy away from telling and showing you so.

But, it is Person A whose words you take to heart. Their words have you locked in a cage, afraid to believe that anyone could possibly love you, holding you back from chasing the life you dream of. They keep you from going all in with your relationships, goals, and dreams.

Why do you listen to those that never cared about you, yet discard the love freely and fully offered to you by one who does?

You cannot and do not trust Person A, so why listen to them? If you cannot trust them, should their opinions matter to you and be controlling your life? That is all it is anyway, their opinion. Their negative thoughts of you are not based in fact or reality. The true root of their negative opinion of you is their own guilt, shame, insecurity, and jealousy. It is, in effect, their opinion of themselves being cast on you.

They are trying to force you to carry their baggage. Why let their emotional baggage weigh you down and become yours?

It is not yours to carry.

Your worth was determined by Someone Who knew you even before you were conceived. He loved you then and He loves you now. Don’t put the heartless words of a man or woman above the love of your Heavenly Father.

Whenever those old – or not so old – negative tapes start playing in your head, making you afraid to do what your heart craves for you to do, don’t listen to them. Remember Who gave you the passions, talents, and gifts that you have and go for it.

You CAN do this. You ARE of value. You ARE loved.

Shake off the dust of those that want to keep you down and grab the hand of the One – and the one – Who loves you and believes in you.

Don’t look back. Keep moving forward to the life you’re dreaming of!

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these,
‘It might have been’.

~John Greenleaf Whittier~

 

Image Source: Pixabay

 

About Suzanne Gunter McClendon

I am a South Carolina native, but have been living on the Texas Gulf Coast for 14 years now. David and I have been married for 34 years. Our children are grown. Some are here at home, others are out in the big world doing their "thing". I enjoy genealogy, reading, writing, photography, digital art, fiber arts, cooking and much, much more.
This entry was posted in 2018, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Self-Confidence, Self-Help. Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to A Morning of Pondering

  1. 15andmeowing says:

    Beautiful post. I do think words can be just as bad as sticks and stones. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a lovely post. All we can do is keep moving forward. We must consider the source when someone tries to bring us down. I love you, my Zing!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. foguth says:

    IMHO the wrong words can do more harm than sticks and stones because the damage they do is unseen and often not treated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree completely. I would much rather have just been slapped. That pain goes away fairly soon afterwards.

      Having one’s own mother say they never wanted then, well, that sticks around for a long, long time.

      How do you deal will this sort of thing for yourself?

      Have a blessed day.😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • foguth says:

        The insidious aspect of vicious words is that they often insinuate themselves into our subconscious and become a ‘truth’ that we live in accordance with. Thus, I try to pay attention to my thoughts and “confront” them – ask myself if they are valid. It isn’t always easy, but when one sheds light on some dark thoughts and realizes the truth, it can be liberating.

        Liked by 1 person

        • We’ve read some things recently along those lines, too, that it becomes a part of who you are, especially when a very young child is exposed to such emotional abuse. It affects them to the very core. I can believe that.

          I think that is a great way to approach this and a great attitude.

          This is a constant struggle for me. My mother was a battered wife and has blamed me my entire life for it since Daddy didn’t start hitting her until just after I was born. She associates my birth with the beatings so, therefore, it is naturally my fault. I know that is illogical thinking, but how she treated me stemmed from those early happenings.

          I know in my head that certain things said, the things the old tapes play over and over, are not true. The Bible tells me they are untrue. My heart, however, can’t seem to make them go away. I will try harder to redirect my thoughts. This would be an excellent place to quote scripture of God’s love over and over to myself, fighting hate with love.

          I really believe that if we can’t trust a person, then their words/thoughts shouldn’t matter. Making that a reality is a real battle.

          I know there are so many of us hurting out there, trying to find ways to eradicate the old tapes, and heal old wounds. It is a hurting world that just seems to create even more hurt along the way.

          I don’t know why these things are so much on my mind right now. Maybe because my mama is in her 70s now and I know we’ll never have the relationship that we should have had all along. I guess it is a grief of sorts, the death of what might have been, and will never be.

          Maybe it is happening now because my heart is closer to being able to just let it all go. It is tired of chasing a prize it can never have. That is what I am hoping.

          My prayer is that we can all get to a point of letting go of the hurt and being happy with who He made us to be.

          Have a blessed day. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • foguth says:

            Suzanne I shall add this to my prayer list.
            I’m sorry that your mother blamed you. It was NOT your fault.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Thanks, Jeanne. I appreciate the prayers and compassion very much.

            Logically, I know that it was her own poor choices that caused her these problems. Plus, she and daddy both had less than ideal childhoods. Domestic violence (their daddies beat their mothers, too) was a part of both of their childhoods and Mama was physically and otherwise abused.

            Even with that, a person has to take responsibility for their own choices, be they goods ones or bad ones. I did not cause her to get pregnant with me. I did not cause her first fiance – the man she truly loved – to get another woman pregnant and Mama to let him go to that other woman. And I most definitely did not make my daddy hit her. She will never see it any other way, though.

            There is so much more that I could say about their issues, but I know this sounds like I’m having a pity party. I’m not meaning to do that at all. I’ve had to add another layer to the “mask” lately, had to make some tough decisions, and all of this is just weighing heavy on me. I don’t want to open up hurtful things for others as I try to work through things and I apologize to anyone for any pain this discussion has caused.

            I am thankful that there are folks that understand and are willing to talk with me about it.

            Thanks again for the prayers, Jeanne. You’re in my prayers, too. I hope the storms haven’t caused you and your family any problems or damage. Have a blessed night.

            Liked by 1 person

          • foguth says:

            LOL, we live in Florida – Florence hit far North of us. We do have family/friends in the Carolinas and all have checked in to affirm that they are just fine.
            If neither of your parents had ‘ideal childhoods’, it’s highly possible they were simply playing out what they’d grown up with instead of asking themselves if there was a better way to live. Seems like that is much more likely than anyone sitting down to ponder what they want and how they want to live.
            You’ve already taken a huge first step in identifying the source of an issue. Now, all you need to do is reprogram your thoughts to whatever positive truth you want to base your future life on. (It’s easier said than done.)

            Liked by 1 person

          • I knew you lived in Florida, but can’t remember where in Florida,. I also know these things sometime affect a big area. We weren’t expecting to get nearly blown away by Hurricane Hugo in Upstate SC, but it happened. 🙂

            Most things worth doing are easier said than done. We just have to find a way to do it anyway. Like they say, do it scared, do it anyway. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂

            Have a blessed day.

            Liked by 1 person

          • foguth says:

            We live on the Space Coast – named that for Canaveral. However, at the time of Hugo, we’d just bought some property in SC (literally, the day before) and then spent the next few years clearing up trees Hugo had knocked over. The good thing is that my husband likes building with wood, so we took the trunks to a local lumberyard and had them cut into usable lumber. I chopped the branches up to make mulch. We dealt with 2-3 damaged trees every year…. About the time we had Hugo’s mess cleared, Floyd went through. Luckily it didn’t mess with trees.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Our oldest son was stationed at Cape Canaveral for awhile. 🙂

            Coastal weather is definitely something else, isn’t it? We never in our wildest dreams thought we’d be dealing with a major hurricane so far inland (Anderson County, SC, near the mountains). But, I nearly became widowed and childless as Hugo went through. David and Jared were involved in a car wreck involving a huge oak tree and a retaining wall. Our son was almost decapitated and David lost his teeth as the steering wheel was jammed into his mouth. It was horrible.

            I am glad that you folks were able to make use of the trees that Hugo knocked over. I like your way of handling the situation put before you. What a way to be welcomed to South Carolina! We had a wet welcome to Texas, too. I think that was Ivan. I don’t remember very much about Floyd, beyond the name.

            Have a blessed weekend.

            Liked by 1 person

          • foguth says:

            I’m glad your family all survived Hugo. We basically met our new neighbors because my husband had a chainsaw and set out to clear trees off the road.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Thank you. Me, too! And I am glad you and your family has made it through all those storms safely, too.
            Meeting your new neighbors with a chainsaw in hand made me smile. 😊

            Have a blessed weekend.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. So very true! I’ve had experience the load of heavy and painful words that melted my heart but then God reminds me to forgive them as He forgives me. So I do. It isn’t easy to but when I remember the words of the Lord I just feel so much better and loved and I just want to obey Him always so I forgive them. And I pray for them as well.

    Thank you so much for sharing my dear! Blessings and strength in Christ!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Tammy. Forgiveness is very important. I don’t think we can always forget, but we need to get to a point of forgiveness.

      How did you go about forgiving them? I know that I am supposed to, but don’t know exactly how to go about it. What is your process?

      Blessings to you, too, my sweet sister. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome my dearest! Yep, it is. Think about it like this and think everyone should, How much times we sin a day? Uncountable right? Good. How many times God forgives us? Uncountable too right?

        That’s why He said to forgive so we can be forgiven as well and don’t you want to be forgiven by Him? That’s how I went about it. I didn’t forgive them right away. I cried out to God and said God help me to forgive this person. I want to forgive like you do and to love my enemies. So I let Him knew how I felt and He helped me. I forgive that person and I feel so at peace and happy now that I need. So talk with God about it, ask Him for help and boldness to forgive that person! And He will help you.

        Thanks much my sister!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you, Tammy. It has been a constant prayer for me for a long time now. I know there are many things that I need to be forgiven for along the way.

          I don’t hold any animosity toward my daddy. My struggle has always been my mama. I don’t know how to start this process of forgiving her. I know it takes more than saying, “I forgive you”, just like loving someone takes more than just saying it. I guess a roadmap for how to do it is what I need. I guess I don’t really know how to ask the question that is on my mind. Senior moments and all that. 🙂

          Thank you, too, my sister. Have a blessed night. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • You’re so welcome my dear.

            Yeah, it’s more than just saying I forgive you. It takes a lot of time. Its something that you just don’t do for doing it sakes. I can testify to that. I took me 2 years and + to forgive a past boyfriend. Lol sorry to laugh but I can laugh now just looking back at where God has brought me from to where I am now. It was soooooooooo hard to forgive him. I held so much anger, pain, hatred, bitterness inside against. So much to where I started to think wicked and evil things against him and to where I said that all guys are the same. But then I know that wasn’t of me. It has been the evil one that had be bonded by those thoughts, pain etc. I was chained to darkness. One day I said to myself I can’t take this anymore. I prayed to God and said please help to forgive this person, I need to, I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life! It took sometime and I didn’t want to continue to be bound to that spirit of unforgiveness! I wouldn’t to be delivered from that heavy load that was weighing down my inner being. I wanted off my back!!! And I cried out to God from heart and He delivered me from it and I forgive that person. I felt so good, free and I could have finally moved forward.
            The cloud of darkness had been removed and I could see the sun!

            My dear, I know what you are battling against and it is not easy to bear at all. I suggest you go about this by fasting. Lay it all out to God. Raw, honest and true. From the depths of your heart. Cry out to Him. Tell Him how you feel about what your mom may have hurted you in the psst. Pour it all out at His precious feet. Don’t be afraid to weep. Scream it out. He will hear you and help you! He’s high unto those that call upon Him in TRUTH. I’ll keep you in my prayers concerning this battle. God bless and keep strong.
            Blessings and thank you!
            Hope my testimony/advice will allow you to take the first step into the path on forgiving your mom.

            Liked by 1 person

          • There’s no reason to apologize for laughing. I am glad that time in your life no longer brings you pain. That makes me happy, too. 🙂

            Thank you for the suggestions and for the prayers. I appreciate you sharing your testimony with me. It is helpful and offers hope. I have faith that Heavenly Father will get me through this. What I have always lacked is the knowledge of how to do what is required of me (forgiveness) when it is the hard stuff. I was able to forgive my daddy (in spite of his troubles, I knew he loved me). I think it has been so much more difficult with my mother because, to me, a mother’s love and acceptance should be a given. A mother lets her child know that they are loved and wanted. A mother does all that she can do to protect her children, physically and emotionally. I never felt those things from her. I think that is why I have trouble forgiving her, but was able to forgive my daddy. His love was obvious; hers was non-existent, at least in regards to me.

            Thanks for everything. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • Lol yeah.
            You’re so welcome and I’m glad that my testimony was able to encourage you and for you to put you faith in Christ who is the Author and Finisher of it and know that the God that we serve can do ALL THINGS! Is anything to hard of Him? Never! I know He will bring you through and will heal you completely in Jesus Mighty Name! Keeping you in my prayers!
            And give God and the thanks and praise! I’m nothing, He’s everything!
            Blessings! ❤

            Liked by 1 person

          • You are to something….a daughter of the King, and my sister in Christ. 🙂
            Have a blessed weekend. ❤

            Liked by 1 person

          • Awwww ❤ Praises to God! That means so muchhh to me!!! Glory to the King!!! ❤ thanks && you too!

            Liked by 1 person

          • You’re welcome. 🙂 ❤

            Liked by 1 person

  5. Vanessence says:

    We can cling to words of hate or cling to words of love. I choose love. 🙂

    Blessings! xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Exactly what we are talking about quite often in therapy. A wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Comedy Plus says:

    It’s hard to get over these words, but get over them you can. I know because I did.

    Have a blessed Sunday. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad that you did and very sorry you had to go through it in the first place. (((Hugs)))

      I am learning that sometimes we have to remove some people from our lives, even if it someone that brought us into this world. I a.m. struggling with how one does that AND honor/respect the parent as we are commanded to do.

      How were you able to get over the cruel words?

      Thank you. I hope that you have a blessed Sunday, too.😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • Comedy Plus says:

        I wanted to go to college. My father told me over and over that I would never amount to anything. I’d just get married and have babies. For a time I believed this, but as I grew older I found that I could do whatever I wanted. I was the first and only one in my immediate family to get a college degree, Bachelor of Science in Business Management. I put that degree to good used and made a fine living on my own. My father knew this before he passed. He was a hateful man and nothing and no one was better than he. I’m at peace with my life.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I know that must have been so hurtful growing up like that. Phrased that way, it would have to make a child feel like they weren’t even wanted, like having children was somehow “less”.

          I am proud of you for going for what you wanted in the face of such discouragement and for making it on your own. I am sorry he was so hateful, but very glad that you’ve found peace in your life. I will never understand why some parents seem to thrill in discouraging and hurting their children. I know parents sometimes hurt their children not meaning to do so, but to willfully do it, I just can’t comprehend wanting to do such a thing.

          Did your siblings succumb to his discouragement or were there other reasons for them not going to college? I’m not trying to be nosy. We all have different journeys.

          My daddy desperately wanted his children to get a college degree. He never graduated from high school. He quit in 8th or 9th grade. I graduated high school with honors. He encouraged me when it came to going to college. However, I know I must have let him down because I never got a degree. A year into college, I got married and where we were going to live was 120 miles from where I’d started college. I got married, had my babies. He was very happy having grand-babies and I hope he forgot about the degree I didn’t have. 🙂

          I started back to college online in 2009. Then, I got sick, almost died. I’ve tried again one time since then, but it didn’t work out either. I got the message finally that Heavenly Father has a different path for me, one that doesn’t involve having a degree and I am at peace with that now, too.

          My mama was the one that I could never, and still can’t, please.

          I am glad that you became YOU in spite of all the cruelty!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Comedy Plus says:

            Neither of my siblings had a very good education. They both graduated high school, but how I know know. My brother can’t even keep a checkbook up and my sister has issues with spelling. I seem to be the only one that did only school wise. My father didn’t treat my siblings like he did me. I think he wanted a boy first to work on the farm and I was a disappointment. None of that matters anymore. ♥

            Liked by 1 person

          • It’s his loss and misfortune that he couldn’t be happy with a girl child. I don’t know why some men (and some women) are like that. But, you’re right. It doesn’t matter anymore. You are of value and have always been, regardless of what any other human says or thinks. Their opinions don’t matter. You’re the best you that you can be and it sounds to me like you’ve done quite well for yourself. 🙂 ♥

            Liked by 1 person

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