I had this post all written in my head while in the kitchen. I came back in here and as soon as I got Word opened, poof! most of the post left me. I hate when that happens, don’t you?
Today is the month anniversary of my cataract diagnosis. I am feeling an odd calm regarding my vision. Not calm like I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the surgery will happen, because I don’t. The realist in me knows that fundraisers with an open or non-existent end date are less likely to be successful than those with a specific end date. Also, I know that the longer a fundraiser goes on, the less likely it is to be successful.
This calmness is something different. Yeah, I still have some moments of total and absolute panic when I think of going blind. I also have those same moments of panic when I think of having the surgery.
This calm is different. I have the vision that, somehow, everything is going to be okay even if the surgery never happens, even if I do go blind.
This calmness is helping me to focus on getting some things done that have been the victim of too much procrastination. It is helping me to see the importance of doing things NOW and not putting them off until later. Later may be too late and I’ve never liked to be late for anything. Ever.
“Surefire things are deadening to the human spirit.” Dorothea Lange
I think that is what has happened here. If surefire things are deadening, then logic would have it that uncertainty is quickening. There is nothing “surefire” about my situation and it has prompted me to take risks that I have been too afraid to take before.
And I feel more alive than ever.
Please be sure to visit David over at Random Thoughts and Observations.
Image source: Pixabay.