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1 June 2014
This big green van came to get our youngest son to take him to start his career with the US Marine Corps. How can a heart be so proud and so devastated at the same time? We stood in the driveway waiting for them to arrive to take away my very breath.
We took pictures. We talked. We all wanted to cry but were doing our best not to. There are smiles on the faces of hearts breaking inside. We wanted a happy send off for the send off that we didn’t bargain for in the first place.
I wanted him to stay here, with me, where I could try to protect him. He wanted to go, out there, where he could protect us. All of us. You and me and the other people of the world. There’s nothing for young people here, no promise of a happy or successful future in a town full of drug dealers and convenience stores and not much else. It was right that he should go. But it is also right for me to want him here.
His life started off with me trying to keep him safe inside. His head was born 20 times before I finally relented and let him be born. I was too tired to fight the inevitable anymore. I had to let him go then and I had to let him go now. Into that big green van…the one that crushed my heart as it crushed the gravel beneath it when it took my breath away.